Ready!.....or not....

Ready or not kind of sums up my thoughts about baby girl arriving in the next few weeks. On one hand I'm ready to meet her, ready for her to meet her wonderful loving, supportive family, and ready to spend some time (off work :) )with her. On the other, I feel like I'm pretty unprepared for her to arrive. I'm unsure that I'll know what to do or how to do it. I wonder how I'll embrace the mother role - people say that the instinct just kicks in... sure hope that's true because it doesn't seem to have come along yet. But I also know there are many people out there that will help out and give advice whenever I need it. I know we have all the "supplies" we need for her arrival - probably way more than what we need - but actually imagining her in her room, in her car seat, in our lives seems unreal. I think about when I go into labor and make the calls to the family that we're going to the hospital and even the trials that labor will bring but it's hard to imagine us coming home with our sweet baby girl. I'm sure all first timers have these same thoughts and worries, and I'd almost be worried if they didn't, but for the planning, A-type personality person that I am, I don't like not knowing what to expect. I guess being so close to the end brings up all the what ifs and worries that you may have thought of before but pushed to the back because you had time then to figure it all out. Well, now those things are all coming back and it's only a matter of days before she arrives.
Whether it be tomorrow (hopefully not) or a couple weeks from now, when she makes her grand arrival I'm sure just getting to see her and hold her helps put these things at ease. Deep down I am ready for our baby and can't wait for my parents, in-laws, brother, cousins, etc to meet her too. Just on the surface I keep thinking of all the things we need to finish - like picking a name. People keep asking me what it'll be and I honestly don't know. We're not keeping it a secret or waiting to see what she looks like before we decide, it's just that we can't agree on a name. We've narrowed it down to a couple of choices, it's just a matter of picking which combination of names we like the best. We're also taking into consideration ways the name could be made fun of. That may seem silly to some but I don't want my child coming home from school crying because she's being picked on because of her name. I know that kids will find any and every way to make fun of someone (regardless of their name) if they really want to so I probably shouldn't place as much emphasis on that but it's something we think about. Its just hard deciding on what name you are going to give a person for the rest of their life. Hopefully we'll find a resolution soon.
Other things I feel like I have to get done now (even if I don't need to) include deciding on child care once I go back to work, getting her health insurance (which is kinda important but I know whatever you decide for insurance, it's retroactive to the date of birth), having everything in order at home (nesting), bags packed for the hospital, lists of names and numbers for people we'll need to call when she arrives, getting all of my thank you notes out now, deciding on when or if we'll induce if she comes late, and the list goes on. Everything will get done at some point and everything will be fine...I just like to have everything lined out and planned before it all happens.
Sorry I've rambled on in this post...just my thoughts over the last couple of days. My appointment on Wednesday went well. All of the normal stuff was still normal - baby's heart rate was in the 150's, he checked for position and feels like she's head down, had my Group B strep test (wonderful...), and went over what to do if labor occurs. Next week I'll get my test results and he'll check me for the first time. We're getting closer and closer and believe it or not....I'm ready! :)